By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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