How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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