I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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