I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
