Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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