he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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