The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize