too bad you live with your parents still
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
