Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
