We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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