It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize