My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you made out with another girl for some wings
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
