Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
