I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
