We're like a lot better than the average bears
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
