Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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