Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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