Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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