I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
