watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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