She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
