how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
