It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
