I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
