I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
