shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
