good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize