If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We just shotgunned beers for America
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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