The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
