My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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