I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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