Apparently you make a good broom.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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