Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
