I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
