Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
