actually, I'm a sock model
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
