Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
