I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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