I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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