Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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