so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
