im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
