u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
