Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
