he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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