There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
