For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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