Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My breasts were aching with rage.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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