3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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