His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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