Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
