Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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