my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
