my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
