I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's shark week go big or go home
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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