Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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