your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize