Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
