i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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