Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
