I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
