I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
