Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
