i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
