yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
