I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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