What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
