marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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