At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
