Will you blow on my dice?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize