VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
