I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
