He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
