Me. At least after what I've been through.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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